11 TRIBUTES TO MY MAN ON OUR 11TH ANNIVERSARY

This week in INSIGHTS for Healing by Design, I want to share with you 11 intimate, transparent, loving things about my romantic partner-in-life, Jason, who joined my life when I was in early perimenopause (😉brave man!). It’s our 11th Anniversary this week and I want to celebrate him by memorializing it in writing as an homage and tribute to him. I hope it inspires you to view your partner with more joy and appreciation too, and if you don’t yet have your special person, know that it’s possible at any time in your life.

SOME BACKGROUND TO GET YOU STARTED – ‘cause CONTEXT is everything, am I right?

Jason and I met during the summer when I was 42, SMACK dab in the beginning years of perimenopause, friend! I didn’t yet know what a shit-show it was going to be for me (which is why I am now ridiculously highly educated on the latest and greatest research and courses for women in my practice). And poor Jason also didn’t know… Though I suspect he still would have stayed had he known what was to come next – he’s that kind of man.

About six months into our budding relationship, my body started to break down. I’m sure it was the stress of commuting every weekend from Medicine Hat, AB to Lethbridge, AB at that time and the stresses of building a newer business in Medicine Hat, ON TOP of being perimenopausal WITH a copper IUD. (Yup, I said, full transparency…)

Within a year and a half, I moved to Lethbridge to live with him and started another brand spanking new clinic from scratch, and wow did I decline fast then.

Early on, my lower back gave out and he had to carry me to the bathroom many times a day for about 2 weeks. And progressively, I gained about 50 pounds over a year for what seemed, at first, like no good reason, and became so fatigued and emotional, I could hardly get out of bed by 10 in the mornings to go run my new business and I cried, like, all the time...

♥️Still, he stayed. He patiently helped me with everything.

Then, by May 2012, when I was just 43 years old, I got proof of what I’d been sure was correct that I indeed was being challenged by a complex autoimmune condition – Hashimoto’s thyroiditis – the most common autoimmune disease on the planet and very destructive to every system in the body. Thankfully, I knew a fair amount about how to approach this beyond what my GP told me at the time, and within a week of a diet change, I felt like the lights turned on again and that maybe, just maybe, I could get my life back.

But, diet is only one piece of the puzzle and alone, it just wasn’t enough to reinvigorate me.

So, I consumed books about Functional medicine, did all the complex courses from The Institute for Functional Medicine (IFM) in record time (in a year) and then got certified (grueling exam prep and experience…) so that I could learn how to navigate the autoimmune condition for myself AND my patients.

Yet, nowhere in all that education was perimenopause adequately discussed as being a HUGE part of the autoimmune puzzle! I didn’t become more educated about that until a couple of years ago with new research for women’s health. FYI, it REALLY impacts autoimmunity.

♥️And through ALL of that extra education, running a new, young business AND of course, the pandemic, Jason stayed.

And if you heard him speak about it, you’d learn that he didn’t feel staying with me was a hardship; that he loves me so much that he just wanted to help me have a great life in any way he could. At first my early life conditioning didn’t let me believe that sentiment, but I have grown to realize this kind of love and loyal support can truly exist and is a glorious gift we all could be blessed to experience!

He didn’t know me in my 20’s and 30’s when I was more energetic, racier in romance, more vibrant and intense and dare I say, more fun. I wish he had but he didn’t. Instead, he got to know me during a time of inevitable chaos on my ‘Hormone Train of Life’ – peri and now post-menopause. That woman is all he really knows. What a chaotic time to start a relationship, right? But wow, he’s a rockstar for wanting to jump in the deep end of life with me and figure it out as we went. Not everyone is so brave 😊

11 TRIBUTES ON OUR 11TH ANNIVERSARY

So, now that you have some context, I’d love to share 11 INSIGHTS I’ve had in my first 11 years with this lovely, kind, sweet man, during a rocky perimenopausal, hormonally chaotic journey into a new experience of post-menopause.

I hope these INSIGHTS resonate perhaps because you have a wonderful soul partner too or because you want these kinds of relationship joys as well and now know they exist so could exist too for you.

When someone truly wants to know you, inside and out, from early life to present day, warts and all… there’s no stopping them. That’s my Jason. My best friend.

1.      His love honestly has no bounds; it just continues to develop, filling every hurt part of my psyche that life has gifted me as it’s smacked me around a time or too over decades of life. It’s healed a lot of early life hurts which I’m forever grateful for. (And don’t worry - I don’t take him for granted. I love right back!)

2.      He didn’t just fall in love with me. He fell in love with everything that came with me – my cats, my crows, my deep obsession with animals and kayaking, my family, my drive to learn. He did NOT grow up understanding my types of passions. I was SO foreign to his life experience. Gratefully, he didn’t just tolerate my passions either. He fell in love too to a large degree. That’s dedication and genuine interest in me as a person. For years now, I call him CRAT-DAD because he’s become a “dad” to the crows (were injured and can’t be released) and my many cats. 

3.      Jason has recorded me on his phone, on the sly, SO many times over the last 11 years and occasionally shares the videos with me. He records me mostly dancing or singing to my favorite musicals or when I tell a joke (badly!) or talking to my many animals or bugs or trees. He’s told me he loves to watch the videos sometimes because they give him joy that I am experiencing such genuine joy doing what I’m doing. That’s real love, I think.

4.      On days my 100% looks like a healthier person’s 20%, he silently ALWAYS picks up the slack and never ever complains. There is no shaming me, no blaming me, no huffs and sighs, no rolling of the eyes. He just does what needs doing and gives me a helping hand to have more comfort in my life while I recover. My gratitude cup overflows for him at these times.

5.      We laugh even when we argue. I think it may be the secret to our success over these 11 years while dealing with challenging health and family and business and political upheavals. We share a similar sense of humor – dry, goofy, spoofy, silly – and are both so quick to giggle out loud and smile. But he particularly loves physical humor which I had NO idea would apply to me. He finds some of my physical reactions to things immensely hilarious and we both end up laughing until tears track down our cheeks and we can barely breathe – you know those laughing attacks that tax your belly muscles to fatigue! Haha! Laughter together can make any situation more livable.

6.      Jason isn’t a big talker. He’d rather listen than talk. So, for a talker like me, that can be a gift most of the time. Do I sometimes wish he could gift me more with some wise commentary? Sure. But, when I think it through, knowing I have him to patiently listen to me vent or rant or cry or work ideas out by speaking them out loud, is more important for my sense of security and growth than having him comment some words of wisdom.

7.      Occasionally he will lose his temper. I can count on 1 hand though how often this has happened. And by “lose his temper”, I mean a 2 minute flash mini-freak-out that is NOTHING compared to my sometimes manic, hormonal emotional cascade of tears then rage that pervaded much of my 40’s in perimenopause. He handled my tantrums with intense patience, so I do the same with him for his very occasional mini-fits.

8.      He lives his life to not only make his own dreams come true but to make mine come true too. He’s a partner, for real. He’s built me a giant aviary. He’s gone on kayaking vacations with me even though he doesn’t love kayaking. He doesn’t mind when I go on a week’s vacation alone. He’s done some renos on our older home. He’s built us a new huge fence. He’s supported me while I work my butt off getting more certifications and as I build more courses for y’all during my weekends. He’s willing to retire someday where I want to be so that I’ll be happier in my older years, which will keep him happy too.

9.      He gives the BEST hugs! The oxytocin rush I always get is real, my friend! It takes at least 20 seconds to stimulate that beautiful love hormone (and longer in peri and post menopause because of the estradiol slump…) and his hugs linger enough to make me let down my natural guard (because I was never a hugger) and feel safe to be totally me.

10. Years ago, he created a song list on Spotify called ‘Krista’s Happy Play List’ on which he downloaded all of the songs he knew were my absolute favorites. I really love music – all kinds of it. But, there are some songs that stir my soul more than others. I didn’t know about this collection of songs at first, but apparently he used to play songs just to see how I’d react (because, truth – I can’t NOT move and hum or sing when I love a song). Now, if I’m in a “mood”, nearly every time he will just open Spotify and pick a favorite song to shift my energetic state and it seriously ALWAYS works. No joke. I could be ranting and roaring like a true Newfoundlander (which I am!) and the right song snaps me back into my happy self. The same thing works with pointing out a bird when I’m ranting. It shifts me into a calmer state every time. He doesn’t yell at me ever. He doesn’t shame me into changing state. He has simply observed, over the years, what lights me up and then shows me those things to change my state. It shuts down my stress response in seconds! I believe this means he loves me. Sure, it saves him from having to listen to me lose it too, but I believe it mostly means he loves me for real. And in menopause, no less!

11. He trusts me to drive on long road trips. Now, this might seem like a trivial thing. Not all women are bad drivers (a ridiculously common, unfortunate societal belief). But, he has seriously never asked to drive my truck on long road trips and instead, enjoys being able to fall asleep or research things or manage the music or book we listen to all or eat snacks at leisure, from the passenger seat. No fear. No “I’m a man and should be the driver” thing. Gosh, I love him for that! Driving is a major freedom for me.

So, that’s my TRIBUTE TO JASON, celebrating our first 11 years together this week, highlighting how a partner who genuinely wants to know you can be an elixir to mental wellness and a safe space to grow into your best self.

I never thought a man like him would show up for me, but the Universe had other plans. Thankfully.

♥️Happy Anniversary to my man! I thank him for loving me through some of the toughest years of my life and never complaining or leaving or shaming me. Do I wish I’d known him when we were younger? Of course. Would it have been easier to adapt to me by the time I hit perimenopause and had those health issues if you’d known me earlier? Honestly, I don’t think it would have mattered to him. He just loves who he chooses to love and it happened to be me, regardless of my health. That has great meaning to me and it’s helped me heal from a lot of early life emotional wounding in a way therapy never would have.

I hope Jason and I get many more decades together figuring life out!

And I sincerely hope you get the experience you desire with whoever your chosen partner or best pals get to be.

Now, friend, go hug your favorite people and get the healing effects of oxytocin too. 

I’ve got a date with a hunky, sweet man tonight 🥰 

Hugs,

Dr. Krista xx

DrAc, IFMCP

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